I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
