how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I touched a dick in church today
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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