Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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