What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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