It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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