well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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