i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
