yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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