How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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