i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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