You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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