i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
