I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
