he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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