I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
