If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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