where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
