What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
