fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
