I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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