Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
