dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
