no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
