If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
