i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
