I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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