just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
