Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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