I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
