now i know why i became what i already was.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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