remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
