Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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