I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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