I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
