nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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