if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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