Porn is love you can see.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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