I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
