At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
