glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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