The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
