you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
