I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
