Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
This baby is an asshole
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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