thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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