You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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