The police scanner is talking about you again....
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
