if i died would you start the facebook group?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
