Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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