so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Randomize
