wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm at about main and main street
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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