'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
