Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
